in a while my heart will explode all over you

and you will be covered with me

bathed in me

and i wonder i wonder i wonder i wonder if i'll make a little more sense to you

nicotine is a dark friend of mine

and i don't want to know the answer to my question i shouldn't ask things

i shoudln't think things

why do i think the things i think

what in gods name is going on in this mind of mine

my head and my heart hurts

and someone stole my ipod.

i feel like this week has been pretty weak

oh man i'm clever

soooooo clever

i'm exhausted

and i don't get a weekend this week

but thats ok cause thats the life of an actor

i havent got the time to remember how it used to be

perhaps i need to find it

tonight we made friends with clowns on queen street.

they had noses and wigs and face paint and they said i looked like hunter s. thompson because i was wearing a cordouroy jacket and have long hair and was wearing aviators and smoking a cigarette.

we paraded with them to the rivoli

tomorrow i will swallow a cannister of gasoline and will spit it up with a lighter held directly in front of my mouth

tomorrow will burn bright

i'm going slowly and faster and faster

and maybe just maybe my beat poetry is minorly boring

i have a cue to cue in 11 hours

i dont understand i dont understand i dont understand

i feel really lost and confused and in need of something something anything

suckle me mount kithaeron, mother me

(oedipus rex reference is lost on the masses)

if you ask if you ask if you ask me

im listening to bloc party because im hip and like british indie rock

i'm not getting intoxicated in any way until show

which is highly unfortunate because i really wish i was effed up right now

i think i may audition for lord of the rings as a terrible sick joke

i mean, i've got long flowing hair and bright blue eyes and i look boyish

i could fully be a hobbit

i've got hairy feet

sorry

that was an overshare

fuck it, decidedly i must burn it down. house= brought down

crunch time bitches

this morning i woke up with this lonely feeling in the pit of my stomach.

i'm listning to love inc for some reason unbeknownst to anyone

i don't like today today.

im currently eating english muffins and drinking orange juice and being uninspired

i could use a creative burst....

i could use something to wake my soul up

i could use something to remind me how i used to do it

and why i used to do it

and why i'm doing it now

i could use a reason

maybe because i'm never more alive than when they're all watching me

maybe because you can climb out of yourself into someone else

maybe because i am KAH-RAZY

school is almost done and i thank all the gods on olympus that that is so

i'm in antigone and jokasta at ryerson theatre school on the 6th 7th and 8th of april

you should probably come watch

i have no creative energy right now

cynthia (acting teacher) insulted my manhood last night so i stayed in the theatre school till 2 in the morning rehearsing and changing things

this may be killing me.

you're swell

i really wish you were listning to william shatner's version of "common people" by pulp. cause if you were you would know exactly why i'm smiling right now.

i want to go out dancing

i want to dance away my resignations

i want to dance out my motivations

and dance dance revolution my way into something other than this

apparently when your on the verge of creative breakthough you’re supposed to feel lost

well

i

am

lost

she died in a hospital room in southern California and you my friend weep for the fragility of all of us

you weep for the fragility of life itself

you weep for the fragility of your shattered glass heart

and I weep for you because too much tragedy befalls one person

miles away and miles away and thought patterns away

i

weep

its one of those nights again

one of those

warm open up drown out the silence with white noise of the wind in your ears nights

one of those run run run as fast as you can kid because maybe you’re soul won’t be able to keep in stride with you nights

one of those I love you and I miss you nights

earl grey vanilla and a phone conversation

dark metropolitan concrete speckled with far too much humanity

i want to live in a city

i want to live in a city

there are so many people and so many stories and I can’t keep up with it because if i could my brain would be bigger than my body

like the way my soul is to big for my body and I want to share it with each and every one of you

i would very much like to have a picnic with anyone reading this.

i would very much like a salad and a sunny day

i would very much like freedom

i would very much like to be in her bed sipping my tea as I watch her type and I watch that beautiful mind work

i would very much like to be seeing her bit her lip as she thinks

this summer is going to kick fucking ass

END QUOTE

i am going to go to the theatre school to rehearse.

someone got shot in the apartment building directly beside said theatre school

i love going to school in downtown toronto.

if i'm not back in two hours, notify the proper authorites.