do you remember it or has it faded from your memory like hot breath on cold glass.

fading

fading

faded

out.

i'm here and thats where i want to be.

last night i wrote and sang a lullaby for her before she went off into the night to sleep and to dream.

today i have rehearsal from like, 3 pm to at least 10 pm.

i am a workhorse

i am a workbench

i am my grandfathers grandson.

and that means, perhaps more than you shall ever know.

but kids, you never will really know.

such is the beauty of the anonymous internet

tony pierce linked me.

i do not understand why.

im drinking orange juice on a sunny day in toronto and i wish it was summer

i wish for green and gold and wispy white clouds

i wish for the love that summer will bring

i wish for sunday drives with the windows down and David Gray on the stereo

i wish for a technicolour life.

i'm wearing a pair of spectacles and hiding behind them.

i'm clark gable.


i realized that i had a bottle of coke on my floor, and i hate coke. i don't really do soft drinks. but i had the overwhelming urge to try it. so i did. coca-cola reminds me of being like, 11 or 12 and driving to visit my grandmother and getting mcdonalds. and driving up through the country with green hills and silver blue water and listening to my discman and being wholly completely innocent.

and those fuckers own santa claus.

taken out of context, those could be hurtful words.

i'll take you as far out of context as possible.

dream with me.

babble on and dress us up in white and black

tie us up in simplistic paradigms

there are too many voices in my head

lets have a tea party.

i think that it would be interesting to be fit into a a category. in a cubby hole. the kind that you used to put your shoes in when you were in kindergarten.

i want to try a sensory deprivation tank.

when i die i want to be split apart into a million different pieces and delivered to a million different places.

solely so i can be everywhere at once.

good evening.

my guts are clenched and i have something to say but i do not know what it is.

i wish i could

i wish i could

be.

just for once be.



there are no shadows on the moon.

there is no moon.

you could be the moon.

fly with me.

the sky is a big grey bowl and i'm sitting in front of my keyboard typing out whatever and ever and ever it is that comes out.

if this is love i will take it and put it in a locket and wear it like a keepsake.

i could for the sake of keeping it.

i think i need to learn how to write in something other than poetic sentence fragments.

i am witty.

i am blind.

i hope to one day be big and monumental and fantastic.

i would very much like to inspire awe.

i am a musical instrument.

i can be a symphony.

for you i am a symphony

for you i am a philharmonic

for you i am

i am

iamb

beat

beat

beat

composition

i am a modern day shakespeare

shaka spurr in looooooooove.

i want to be the hero in your sky. lets watch the wind together and talk about pablo neruda and eat a packed picnic lunch. lets hear whats here. lets play with words like play doh. i can't take my eyes off of you. you're light.

lets watch satellites.

lets make up stupid theological questions in the attempt to be obscenely intellectual.

i believe in you.

can we watch fireworks on a green hill. nitrogen green after recent rain.

im sitting on a wall and watching a bustling metropolis.

you have beautiful eyes.

distance is neither here nor there but you are there and i am here.

i'm looking forward to sunlight.

i'm looking forward to starlight.

i'm looking

at you

as per usual

and what i see is brilliant

and what i see is nothing short of awe inspiring

my awe is inspired

my jaw is dropped

good night moon

suede pillows are a poor substitute

and waking up with you

is perfect

you're perfect

thanks for being around

i wish that i could be with you right now at this exact moment in my life.

i can break down barriers.

i can drive to montreal or make reference to some other sort of canadian place.

i can make an obscure canadian reference. i can enjoy the song bobcaygeon by the tragically hip.

i can be whatever and ever and ever you want me to be.

my heart is malleable.

sometimes i worry that i'm actually crazy. or if i'm normal.

there really is no such thing as normal now, is there.

i can be anything i can be anything.

i would like to be able to arrange myself in a nice neat perfect order. i would like to put myselves in colour coded shelves. i would like very much to be alphabetized and kept freshly pressed until i need to use it once more.

and i think that perhaps if i was a little more bold i'd be a little more better.

and i also realized that saying more better is grammatically incorrect you bastards.

i'm punk rock.

i am sultry.

i am the bottom half of a rock. the part underneath which is the soil and the life and the mean dirty grit. i wish i could for once dip myself into the real dirty grit of it all.

i do not want to return unscathed.

i want my hands to be caked with mud and dirt.

i want my white t shirt to require lots and lots of Tide

in my blood flows lies and stars and this and that and for once i could really

be

there.

i could be i could be anything.

my stream of consciousness is getting a little old but that doesnt matter because you still want to make out with me. which is really all that matters.

my single bed has dr.seuss blankets on it.

for once i can be perfect.

but i can't see it.

maybe she can.

or then again perhaps she can't

some thoughts should be taken and tucked away in your back pocket. some thoughts should be left for rainy days. some thoughts should be entirely disregarded, but those thoughts generally stick onto you like watermelon flavoured bubblegum on the bottom of your shoe.

in that room i truly wish i belonged. in that room i was sillhouetted by candles and i wish that that could be where i ended up. i want a bongo solo. i want a rush of blood to the head.

be something.

be anything.

be you.

today i have decided to be someone completely different than myself.

today i decided that my previous idea was stupid and childish.

are you awake right now?

im being self indulgent again.

i wish now for a more dangerous life.

i wish now for natural highs.

i wish now for something something anything.

i wish now for a jumble of adjectives to please you.

i will spend a lazy sunday without her.

i will spend a lazy sunday reading and rehearsing and listening to owen pallet because i'm hip and i live in toronto.

be something.

i am inspired by the way you smile.

i am inspired

i am inspired.

i could be

i could be

i am

i am.