i was thinking today. in the grand scheme of things, our problems are small. petty. not really that important at all. we're just blinks of an eye when it comes to the perspective of time. our shit doesn't matter. so why worry about it. just do something. take a risk. jump. don't check your parachute. just go. it won't hurt. cause it really doesn't matter. we're born, we live, we die. make the most of the living part, thats what it's there for. now the question is, will i be able to keep to my own newfound philosophy?

i hope so.

so i took her out to watch stars and skyline. and we sat on a hill and were above everything and i felt like i was above everything cause i was with her and thats all i need. and we talked about everything and anything and it was good. damn good. and her shirt matched mine, because they were both california themed. cause we roll like that. we drank slurpees and laughed and got eaten by mosquitoes, and watched clouds roll over our heads. and it was good.

i drove her home cause it got too mosquitoey. we sped down the road listening to edge 102. we sang along to blink 182's dammit. i really dig that song. i really dig that girl.

we drove around brampton searching for something to do, but there isn't anything to do in b town after 9:00, and it was considerably past that time. we settled on playing on the swings in her backyard. so we did that and talked. and talked. and talked. and i left. and i didn't kiss her. i didn't tell her that i think she's beautiful and that i love hanging out with her. i didn't tell her how i love how she makes me into an idiot. i didn't tell her any of that. i told her to get a glass of water for the hiccups that she had. and i told her goodnight. and i drove away wondering why i didn't say anthing.

so i stopped my car.

took out a quarter.

flipped it.

it told me that i shouldn't go back.

so obviously i did the excact opposite.

who the fuck trusts the judgment of a quarter?

so i drove back. not having any idea what to day or do. and wondering if it was a bad idea. cause it was around 2 am. but i did it anyway.

i walked up her driveway. said hello to her cat. rang the doorbell.

the house was totally dark.

rang the bell again

still dark

rang the third and final time.

left.

i guess buddha didn't want me to do anything that night.

but shoudl i try again?