i want to wake up. i want to wake up in a different place as a different person in a different situation. i want to wake up free and clear and light. i want to wake up with sigur ros playing on my cd player like in vanilla sky. i want to wake up tom cruise. i want to wake up loved and adored and thought of with compassion and joy. i want to wake up in rome and go to work in a cafe. i want to wake up beside someone who loves me. i want to wake up where i have the people i used to have again. i want to wake up where i can have everyone. i want to wake up with a waytooblue sky above me and far too green grass and smile to myself because everything is too damn good. i want to wake up on top of a skyscraper. so high that i can see the smog like a toxic blanket on the city, soft as fleece but choking us slowly. i want to sit bolt upright in a cold sweat and get up and run. and run and run and run until i can shake this. until i can have this fall off like dead leaves off a tree. i want to tumble. i want to plummet. i want to feel the air rushing around me. i want to lock eyes and feel something there. i want something to be there. i want all the things around us to blur and for there to only be this and for that to be all i need. i want that to be all she needs. i want to be all she needs. i want to be great and grande and big and fantastic. i want to be.